Eulogy to Martyred Squirrels

Thousands of American squirrels have been martyred in the effort to deprive the humans of electricity. In fact, humans recently recognized that squirrels cause more electrical outages than lightening. Electricity is that substance that mysteriously flows through cords both inside the human houses and outside, strung from poll to poll outside. Electricity is used as an invisible means to restrict the free range of pets and animals of all species. It is the ingredient in the new “invisible fences” as well as in the collars which buzz and deliver severe pain at the whim of some human wielding a “controller.” Farm animals and zoo animals which innocently bump up against their cages or the pastures in which they are incarcerated have been known to experience the same sort of sudden shocking pain. Humans find other reasons to channel electricity into their houses– it powers the television, which is a known cause for the loss of human interest in going for walks. Electricity also enables the roar of the dreaded vacuum cleaner. The squirrels who have accepted the suicide mission to bite through electrical wires are true martyrs. More than 16,750 squirrels died during 2006 in Georgia alone in the courageous attempt to deprive humans of electricity. They were brave and talented beasts indeed. They should be memorialized and eulogized.