Against The Move Toward Unispecies

I am appalled by the ongoing human endeavors to eliminate the distinctions between them and us. It is one thing for them to favor unisex apparel for themselves. It is quite another matter for them to advocate for a uni-species like it was some form of one-world church or one-world economic system. It isn’t that we don’t recognize the perks associated with being loved by our own individual humans. We most certainly do appreciate being fed and housed and stroked and played with– I for instance, have recently begun to excel at tennis ball hockey with my youngest male human. It is the indiscriminate human bias that assumes that we want to be equal with them that I protest. I hardly think that Hisal wants the burden of human money enough to be stripped of his identity as a chimpanzee. Nor do I think that it is in the best interest of many of us pets to take out humanesque health insurance plans, buy burial plots, arrange for cremation, or amass boxes of necklaces, boots, coats, and diamond studded collars. What do you think?

Arf,

Saxby

Eulogy to Martyred Squirrels

Thousands of American squirrels have been martyred in the effort to deprive the humans of electricity. In fact, humans recently recognized that squirrels cause more electrical outages than lightening. Electricity is that substance that mysteriously flows through cords both inside the human houses and outside, strung from poll to poll outside. Electricity is used as an invisible means to restrict the free range of pets and animals of all species. It is the ingredient in the new “invisible fences” as well as in the collars which buzz and deliver severe pain at the whim of some human wielding a “controller.” Farm animals and zoo animals which innocently bump up against their cages or the pastures in which they are incarcerated have been known to experience the same sort of sudden shocking pain. Humans find other reasons to channel electricity into their houses– it powers the television, which is a known cause for the loss of human interest in going for walks. Electricity also enables the roar of the dreaded vacuum cleaner. The squirrels who have accepted the suicide mission to bite through electrical wires are true martyrs. More than 16,750 squirrels died during 2006 in Georgia alone in the courageous attempt to deprive humans of electricity. They were brave and talented beasts indeed. They should be memorialized and eulogized.

Painted Fish and Felines

A recent human trend defaces the natural beauty of certain fish with the injected dyes of a tattoo. Unfortunately, there have been some fish fatalities as a result. Probably the humans don’t think it of any consequence since these fish can be replaced at various pet stores for only a few dollars. For the fish, on the other hand, the human intervention may not only cause pain, suffering, and the equivalent of a bad hair- should I say bad scale- day, it may mess with the message being emitted to prospective mates. I thought this was the epitome of human insensitivity to us animals until I became aware of the content of a certain forwarded email showing photographs of painted cats!!! These sorry looking felines matched their human captors- one cat was painted in a navy blue and green tartan plaid design to match a man's kilt; one had a clown painted up its butt underneath its proudly swaying tail. Another was painted to look like a peacock feather- talk about gender confusion- this is appalling! It seems to be a phenomenon most commonly associated with the human species. The unfortunate truth is that since humans have the most flexible abilities and the most devious/deviant motives, no animal species is guaranteed safety if it pleases the humans and if they have the funds required. Painting a cat, according to this email, costs a mere $15,000 and lasts only three months before needing to be repeated.

Little In Stinked

My human’s grandmother used to tell a little story about a family of skunks that reminds me of the plight of one California skunk who found a nice dry hiding hole in the back of an 18-wheeler truck and ended up in Toronto, Canada, on January 1.

Little In and Little Out were skunk youngsters. One day they went out to play and when it was time for supper and Mama skunk called, Little Out was the only skunk who came. Mama Skunk waited but she didn’t want to wait too long because she didn’t want the lovely dinner to get cold.
“Go out and find Little In, Little Out,” said Mama Skunk. “Look in all of Little Out’s hiding holes and then bring Little Out in for supper.”
“Yes, Mama,” Little Out said making sure to shut the door carefully without banging it on the way.
It took Little Out no time at all to find Little In and pretty soon both skunk youngsters were wiping their paws carefully on the mat before tracking in the mud from outside.
“Little Out,” said Mama Skunk, “you are amazing. How did you find Little In so quickly?”
“It was easy, Mama,” said Little Out. “Little In stinked.”

What made getting home quickly for Little In is probably the reason that the Toronto Wildlife Center is having trouble finding some human to give the California skunk a ride back home.

So, you may wonder, why can’t the California skunk just find a new home in Canada? Humans are picky about borders between countries, you know. According to Wojtek Dabrowski of Toronto Reuters, it is against the law to release a foreign skunk into the wild in Canada. It might precipitate a “skunk fight.”

Little In Stinked

My human’s grandmother used to tell a little story about a family of skunks that reminds me of the plight of one California skunk who found a nice dry hiding hole in the back of an 18-wheeler truck and ended up in Toronto, Canada, on January 5.

Little In and Little Out were skunk youngsters. One day they went out to play and when it was time for supper and Mama skunk called, Little Out was the only skunk who came home. Mama Skunk waited but she didn’t want to wait too long because she didn’t want the lovely dinner to get cold.
“Go out and find Little In, Little Out,” said Mama Skunk. “Look in all of Little Out’s hiding holes and then bring Little Out in for supper.”
“Yes, Mama,” Little Out said, making sure to shut the door carefully without banging it on the way.
It took Little Out no time at all to find Little In and pretty soon both skunk youngsters were wiping their paws carefully on the mat before tracking in the mud from outside.
“Little Out,” said Mama Skunk, “you are amazing. How did you find Little In so quickly?”
“It was easy, Mama,” said Little Out. “Little In stinked.”

What made getting home quickly for Little In is probably the reason that the Toronto Wildlife Center is having trouble finding some human to give the California skunk a ride back home.

So, you may wonder, why can’t the California skunk just find a new home in Canada? Humans are picky about borders between countries, you know. According to Wojtek Dabrowski of Toronto Reuters, it is against the law to release a foreign skunk into the wild in Canada. It might precipitate a “skunk fight.”

Don't be deceived into taking any new diet pills for dogs

First the humans use food to make us do the most absurd tricks- roll over, play dead, speak- then, they sneak us snatches of sirloin under the table or leave the butter just near enough the end of the counter to snag when stretched out balanced on the hind legs just so. Then they decide that we can't go anywhere without a leash in public so unless, like me, you are vigilant when the door is opened by a guest, you never get to run free for hours on end exploring smells and tastes that appear to revolt all humans except for the youngest of the male variety. So, no wonder we are lethargic and tend towards pudginess underneath our fur. Now they are attempting to convince us to prefer "natural food" that still looks like petrified sausage pellets devoid of the fun of the chase. To top it all off, did you hear that Pfizer, the human pharmaceutical company that makes some kind of "purple pill" has concocted a pill for overweight dogs called Slentrol. It, like every other such remedy, has some notable side effects: vomiting, diarrhea, lethargy..... but, it will deceive a dog into thinking that it is full so that the dog will eat less and lose weight. The American human Food and Drug Administration approved it Friday, January 5, 2007. My human scorns such things. I understand that there are thousands of people in Rwanda, (my human cares about a certain area of that country) who don't have enough food to make them think they are full ever. I would like to invite other pets to subscribe to my K9Lives Club monthly enewsletter- it's a mere $15.95 a year- way less than a pet-purple-pill prescription or a bag of organic dog food. A percentage of each subscription will be used to provide goats and chickens- not for the Rwandans to eat (perish the thought!)- for the fertilizer, wool, and eggs these amazing animals produce. Animals, let's unite to make a global impact. How do you subscribe to my K9Lives Club monthly enewsletter?- it's easy- get your human to click on my picture at www.teamlesley.com.
Respectfully Submitted,
Saxby

Sing For Your Supper?

I have been insulted at times early in the morning on a hot summer day by a piercingly shrill red feathered cardinal who resents my presence- imagine that! My response is to raise my pointed ears and point my snout meaningfully in the direction of the loud-mouth. My human, on the other hand, appreciates birds of all sorts for their song. It is interesting to listen to the way the birds relate in the morning- a squirrel doesn't seem to bother them in the least bit but a cat or another dog makes such a titter resound from tree to tree. I read this week of another species who sings.

According to Charles Q. Choi of Livescience.com, gibbons- small apes of the southeast Asian rain forest- sing whenever a leopard or other enemy approaches. Now these apes live in the trees but they don't climb higher and away to avoid the enemy. Instead they sing and get closer and closer up to between 15 and 30 feet away. The humans have been able to record the gibbons singing. They analyzed a total of 7 distinct notes that the gibbons use to communicate in song. Apparaently the first 10 notes of any song indicates its significance.

I suppose gibbons are more like bluejays than cardinals. My human had a cat once, who upon slinking around beneath a tree in which a pair of bluejays had a nest, became the target of divebombing bluejays. The poor cat needed antibiotics to deal with the puncture.

I am not a singing dog but I have heard that some dogs do sing at times.
Respectfully Submitted,
Saxby

I'm looking for pet friendly businesses

Do you have a favorite pet-friendly business to recommend to other pets? Hopefully the January 17 edition of the K9Lives Monthly will feature businesses. I understand that quite a few of the stores on Burlington, Vermont's Church Street have dog bone signs in the window. This indicates that leashed pets are welcome inside with their humans. Do you know such a store or restaurant? Where is it? What does it sell? Have you been there? What was your experience? It's easy to post a comment to this blog- and, unless the comment contains material that is not family-friendly or relevant, my human will publish it.

Respectfully Submitted,
Saxby